FOUND footage film House on Eden is reason enough to do away with the horror sub-genre forever.
Now streaming on Shudder, the first 45 minutes of this toe-curling mess are among the most excruciatingly painful I’ve ever sat through –Â pure cringe!
Those here expecting The Blair Witch Project or Hell House LLC look away now, as this, for the most part, is pure unadulterated tripe. In fairness, that murderous Maryland sorceress that set the ball rolling with quivery dashcam scares back in 1999, has a lot to answer for. For every Rec, The Taking of Deborah Logan, or Creep there’s a sea of quagmire made up of dross such as The Devil Inside, The Outwaters, or The Gallows to wade through. You can now add House on Eden to the latter’s ever-growing list.
The film is directed by Kris Collins, who plays lead paranormal investigator Kris, yes, lots of imagination used here, heading up a bumbling troupe of ghostbusters that set out to find an abandoned house deep in the woods. Joined by occult researcher Celina (Celina Myers) and videographer Jay (Jason-Christopher Mayer), the trio are instantly unlikeable.
These goofy ghost hunters try way too hard, and quickly get on my nerves, while the dialogue is flimsy at best, and downright grating throughout. Every misstep through the dimly lit forest has me hoping for them to be carted off by a satanic cult and sacrificed to their demon deities.
The three stooges eventually find the haunted house in the middle of nowhere and quickly go about setting up their psychic wares in this untouched and eerie mansion. Once things start to go bump in the night, it must be nearly dawn, and the cringeworthy jokes are finally put to bed, Thing start to improve in the final third, but, alas, it’s too little too late.
I felt mortified for all involved, to be honest!
(1/5)