FORBIDDEN Fruits is a Gen Z mash-up of all things Clueless, Mean Girls, and The Craft that made this old hack feel, well, very old!
A tale about a coterie of Kardashian-styled Texas mall rats that moonlight as a secret campy witch cult saw much of proceedings go well over this aged fart’s head. It was like they were speaking a different language, and it left me feeling like Victor Mildrew throughout – cranky and frustrated!
Listen, there was a time when I was down with the cool kids, and was hip to The Breakfast Club and Heathers, and such fashionable teen flicks, but Forbidden Fruits just left me confused. It’s clearly time then for this venerable movie buff to break out the Horlicks and Tapioca pudding.
I was left scratching my balding noggin for much of director Meredith Alloway’s pop horror comedy debut, but she certainly left me in no apparent doubt of my grizzled form. I’m past it, it’s official!
Forbidden Fruits, a film that put years on me, was made for a younger audience – much younger – and not their senile grandads.
The nasty witches at the heart of this sorcerous high street fashion scene, meet after hours in the basement of the mall store, where they are employed, to partake in cattish divination.
Lead by the controlling Apple (Lili Reinhart), the other enchantresses are very much under her spell, and hang on her every vapid word and whim. Blonde bimbo Cherry (Victoria Pedretti) doesn’t have a bad bone in her body, or a single thought in her head not put their by her so-called best friend Apple.
The fresh-faced coven of trendy crones also includes the smart and alternative Fig (Alexandra Shipp), and kind-hearted newcomer Pumpkin (Lola Tung), who they discover selling pretzels in the soulless mall where they earn their crust.
Alloway’s film meanders aimlessly for large portions, and despite it’s Benetton-coloured dreamlike quality that has a magic all its own, it will leave you feeling over the hill and far away. Oh, well, probably time for this senile grump to go re-watch Ferris Bueller’s Day Off to delude himself with youthful notions!
(3/5)